What Have I Done & Confessions
by melliyna
Summary: A series of Tudors drabbles/fic snippets
1. A shade, wandering the world

Elizabeth never spoke of her mother, it is said.

But she wore a ring, which carried her portrait. For all the glory she gives to him, King Henry knows his daughter's feelings towards him. It has been 500 years at least and he is inclined to agree, now.

He hears her spoken of as the greatest monarch England has ever had. Glorianna. The Golden Age. The protector and defender of England, the Queen who defeated the Armada, in whose streets there was peace and plays. The Virgin Queen.

Henry hears himself spoken of as a monster and it tastes bitter. He has lost all he thought to hold and this, this is his penance - to wander the earth a ghost until many ages have past.

His wives have forgiven each other long ago. His children, oh his children forgave each other in a heartbeat. He can still hear Elizabeth and Mary, laughing and smiling. They loved each other and he helped to tear it apart so Mary could only see in Elizabeth all that she had lost. Mary, who could not sign her sisters death warrant.

They offered to forgive him. But he threw it back in their faces. Prideful to the last, oh mighty lion.

There are times he thinks, but do they not see? Do they not know I wished nothing but the security of my realm, do they not see my cause was just, that I was misled and misused? And why should Cromwell be forgiven, when I am not?

_Because you are the king. You are the one who would command. You are the one who willed it to be done, around whom all others would dance. You are the killer, the murderer of wives._

He loved them. He loves...he loves them still. Anne, Catherine and Jane. Anne perhaps, perhaps Anne most of all. But he loves them, all three. He watches the newest play of their lives (he has learned it is called a television) and falls all over again.


	2. Love as thou wilt

**Guest Reviewer: **Thank you so much for you review! I am...not a Henry fan at all but I can understand his complications and it was interesting to bring him to a place where he was beginning to see his failures and issues and feel sorry for it.

**Authors Note: **This drabble is a Tudors set in an England that follows the faith of Jacqueline Carey's Terre D'Ange (that is Elua, who was the offspring of Mother Earth and G_d and who bade his followers 'love as thou wilt' - what this means is that it's entirely normal for people to have lovers, formal poly relationships (consorts) and same sex relationships are not condemned/women can inherit the throne. I kind of want to write more in this.

* * *

Mary counts her family and is happy. Her mother and father, who were still so much in love. And her mama, Anne whose memory they all kept golden. It had been wonderful to see, the way that all three of them were so much in love and Mary is glad she has found happiness alike with Phillip.

She is happy not to be Queen, for she knows Elizabeth shall be a great Queen and she loves her sister well.

Her brothers Henry and Thomas are happy - Henry as the Duke of York, leader in war and Thomas as the Duke of Pembroke - one of their sisters cleverest advisers and strategists. And Edward, the youngest, child of her Mamas lover Jane, who though not royal or a sanctioned heir is secure.

No, England is well and Mary, Mary is well pleased.


	3. Believe & Make Peace

**A Matriarchy AU Snippet **

* * *

He waits and tries not to wear a groove into the carpets. He does not quite pray (it would not be the done thing) but it is a close run thing. We are in love, he remembers. We are in love, we are young and blessed and she holds my heart safe in her hands. It will not be broken, not after we have been through so much to give England this gift. Surely God will smile upon them.

Then he turns to see Mary, her majesties sister coming through the door, smiling from ear to ear.

"You have blessed Her Majesty with a healthy girl"

Henry Tudor, King Consort of England, Ireland and France is truly on the edge of a golden world.


	4. The Witch Queens & A Golden World

**Inspired by a combination of two plot bunnies/challenges by ReganX: **That Catherine is publically fighting at Blackfriars but privately (working with Anne Boleyn) she actually wants out of the marriage and a Harry Potter Tudors 'verse. (Beatriz Galind is a real person - a tutor to both Catherine and her mother. Though she was not actually secretly a witch). Also owes a whole lot to 'Anne Boleyn The Witch Queen' for the general prophecy concept. I've also made Princess Mary a little older to be about Anne's age.

* * *

The fact that Catherine has been planning for this day since she was first told she had magic does not ease what she must do. It will help that she esteems and likes Anne, who will be good to Mary. She will have letters yes, but it is not the same as being there, in the country that has come to be home to her.

She was nine years old when she found herself being told she had magic and if it had been anyone but Beatriz who had told her, she would have thought them heretics, tempting her towards sin. Instead she found she could accept that magic is given by God, just as some are given talents in music or law or painting. It is to be used to good ends then it is not an evil thing, she comes to understand. When she is eleven she is given a letter delivered by an eagle that directs her to a convent in Granada that Catherine has never heard tell of.

Saint Maria Luminosa Academia contained some of the happiest years of her life, though it had been hard at first. It was not a great school like those of the Turks or the others in the East but it was a school great in learning. Catherine knows that while she may have wished for Mary to attend Saint Maria, Hogwarts will be wonderful for her and give her a freedom that perhaps, she will never have in the muggle world.

Catherine of Aragon is the daughter of two great Spanish Monarchs. She is also a great seer.

From almost as early as she could remember she had dreamed of a beautiful red haired Queen of England - one who held a wand and a sceptre in her hands and who would bring about a golden world. Later she had Seen more - the children of the red haired queen and their descendants who would make the world much kinder for magical and non magical folk alike. When Mary was born she had seen her as Regent Minister of England, standing by her half sisters side. And the red haired queen would have a brother who would help both her and Mary.

She had also seen what would happen if Queen Elizabeth did not come about and burnings and witch hunts are almost the least of it.

When Queen Catherine of Aragon had caught a glimpse of a young Anne Boleyn, she had known who the second Witch Queen would be. She had not expected to be as drawn to the little girl as she was. But little Anne, barely a toddler, was a draw to Catherine. A second daughter. Thomas Boleyn is a doting father, though there is very little magic about him but it is easy to suggest that Anne should join Mary's household as a lady in waiting when she is a little older. What no one knows is that Anne will be going to Hogwarts.

It is hard (and strange) to think that she will be giving up her husband to a girl who is barely older than Mary but Catherine finds it easier, knowing that she loves Anne.


	5. The Magic Remains

A bit more Tudors-Harry Potter (this is the one that will probably end up as a fic). Tudors is show based by and large.

* * *

It's historical fact that Anne Boleyn is beheaded on May 19 1536. Except she wasn't. A carefully transfigured and charmed chair was beheaded as Anne Boleyn and earlier, a set of charmed tables were beheaded as George Boleyn and four others.

Anne has always been brilliant at charms and transfiguration but then, becoming Head Girl and Gryffindor Quidditch Captain has always been a source of pride for her. The wizarding world showed her how to be free and who she could be. It's why she kept her wand, even when she thought she wouldn't need it. It's why she teased George into keeping his.

She wishes that she could stay with Henry. Even now, she hates deceiving him, even though she hates him. Because she is carrying a child. His child. But she knows she cannot tell him because he will not understand that this son is not destined to rule the muggle world at all.

(Just as Mary Tudor was not).


	6. Rose & Lion

She refuses to pay attention to the whispers and the glares - if she'd paid attention to any of them she would never have any peace and concentrates on pleasing the king. And reminding herself that she doesn't love him. Not at all.

Queen Katherine is old and pious and Jane Cromwell is young and fearless with sparkling eyes and a wit that comes from a mother who had made herself respectable with a knight for a husband - leaving Putney far far behind. The King admires her black curls and the way she dances just out of his reach.

She does not love him. Truly.

Anne Boleyn, the Duchess of Suffolk (it had been a love match and continued to be, even now) is her unlikely friend. Anne cautions her to be careful, to be kinder. It is hard to listen when Katherine is so stubborn and she sees all that Anne has (children, a loving husband who she could marry freely and a father who adores her) and all that she does not because half the world appears to stand against it.

**(Girl Cromwell)**


	7. Diamonds & Faultlines

**Authors Note**: This story contains a depiction of an abusive relationship/sexual exploitation/abuse of a minor though it's not explicitly depicted, it is there, as is the depiction of domestic violence and gaslighting. Exercise caution when reading. The story is set in a Modern Day Tudors AU in which Henry Tudor is a US Senator from PA who eventually attempts to run for President. This is partially the story of how that imploded.

* * *

She's fifteen when it started. Fifteen and dazzled by his brilliance and maturity, so unlike the boys at school. Senator Tudor has travelled, has stories about the world and he treats her like she's a goddess. Katy Howard, youngest child of a large family, Katy Howard who has always been forgotten and dismissed as not very bright, is listened to.

It's wonderful. And he's handsome too. She'd thought that from the first when she'd started volunteering for the campaign - she'd always been good at talking to people, at organizing parties and events and she wanted to help - she truly did. She'd listened to his speeches on poverty and social justice and thrilled to it.

And he, Senator Tudor, pays attention to her. Little Katy Howard.

She gets necklaces, earrings and bracelets. A new laptop ("just because, my darling Katy"), trips to see him ("we'll call it scholarship money to go to dance school sweetheart, it'll be our secret"), money for shopping trips where he spends indulgently on anything she wants.

It was the Christmas before her senior year that was the really amazing one. Henry had taken her to his ski lodge - laughingly taught her how to ski on secluded slopes and let her teach him to ice skate after booking the rink just for them. He makes her hot chocolate and they cuddle in bed and Katy thinks she's in heaven.

And then come the gifts. There's a Balenciaga handbag, gift cards forfor stores that don't have price tags on the clothes, an iPhone, tickets to see the New York City Ballet and above all, an engagement ring inlaid with diamonds and rubies.

Henry tells her they'll marry when she turns eighteen. She cannot remember ever being happier. Except...then it changes. Henry wants to tell her what to do, what to wear, that she shouldn't even think of going to college ("why would you need to sweetheart, I'll take care of everything"), that she doesn't need that part time job or those friends. Or any friends.

He hits her one night, over the fact that she talked to a guy friend of hers and she'd sworn she'd be done with him but Henry, Henry is so charming and so very sorry. He'd just worried, that's all. She almost accepts it, until the night that Mr Cromwell finds them out.

Then it all implodes. Henry yells at Mr Cromwell that she was asking for it, that she's a slut, that she just wanted to sell her story and have a sugar daddy, that she's a liar anyway. And that's when she runs out of the office and sobs.

Mr Cromwell is very kind (he asks if she'd rather talk to a woman but she's okay with him, somehow) and says that none of this is her fault. That it's the Senators fault and not to listen to any of it.

Her parents refuse to speak to her. Actually they throw her out. The eventual settlement of the whole thing ends in Senator Tudors run for President imploding and a (large) cash settlement and trust fund for her by her Uncle Norfolk, who feels that someone in the family has to provide for her (she suspects it's also guilt that he encouraged her to work on the Tudor campaign in the first place but doesn't say anything)

She learns to be herself, her senior year. The gossip is too much for her to go back to school in PA so she decides to go for it, to make a clean break.

Katy Howard moves to New York City, doesn't become a brunette (though she does put pink streaks in her hair), finds a beautiful penthouse apartment (yes it's a luxury but it's hers, not to be taken away) and gets a job in a dance shop, in between finishing high school and discovering the joy of eating cupcakes by herself.

She sells all the things Henry gave her and donates the money to charity and tries to clean her skin of him entirely. She gives her one and only media interview (to Rachel) and discovers to her own surprise that she does have brains. She dances for herself now and when she gets accepted as a ballerina at the New York City Ballet she dances for herself, in her own apartment.

She's not Henry's. She is herself.


End file.
